Loss

They seem to think that intellect shields my heart.
That within me, within this young girl, there lives an old soul, guiding me to be wise beyond my years, to be immune to the sorrows of a broken heart.
But it is a love lost that has shaken me to my core, and it is through the cracks that my true colour shines.

Darling dearest, you know that sometimes, sometimes my corset loosens. Through you, my seemingly mature spirit shifts to become what I, in truth, am. A sixteen-year-old. God, I wish to be sixteen once again. Just to be with you. The one I madly fell in love with.
Because when I am with you, my darling, I let my analytic mind rest. My roaring, tender, and utterly vulnerable heart, however, speaks. It speaks of the truths, memories and desires that slumber deep within me. Of the moment my soul first saw yours. Raw, pure and so hauntingly beautiful.
It tells the story of the fireflies that lit our summer nights, how they danced to illuminate our loving smiles, our secret language to convey confessions of affection. We were inseperable.
Oh my heart, it remembers when our fates intertwined like the roots of old trees. You, the chestnut. I, the willow. We, together, the centrepiece of our sacred garden.
Remember?

Stronger than the storms within us, we followed our timeless love’s guidance. We embarked on a journey to uncertain shores. Careful. Out there be dragons.
But the neverending road was paved with obstacles much greater than the ones we were prepared for and one day, when the steep path had become forbidding and almost impossible to follow,
I looked back,
searching
for my one true love
to realise

I had lost him a long time ago.

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